


All I Want

by TheRealKags



Series: Songfics [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8668699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRealKags/pseuds/TheRealKags
Summary: All he wanted was to say goodbye.A real goodbye.**Could be read as a sequel to my work Shouyou's Song (or independently it doesn't matter)**Name and content inspired by All I Want by Kodaline





	

**Author's Note:**

> it's midnight and i'm depressed and this is unedited

_"All I want is nothing more_  
_Than to hear you knocking at my door._  
_'Cause if I could see your face once more,_  
_I could die a happy man I'm sure."_

Tobio missed him.

He missed him so much, it _hurt_.

The way he'd brighten up the darkest of rooms just by flashing a single grin. The way he could double his height by jumping. The way he'd pick fights and annoy him on purpose, just to get a reaction.

Everyone always said he was like the sun, but no one ever thought it would be so literal. Each day that followed his passing was dark and dismal, as if the sun and the very oxygen they breathe had died with him. Every drop of happiness had been sucked from their lives.

All he wanted was to say goodbye.

A _real_ goodbye.

Shouyou never knew how much he actually meant to Tobio, how much he was actually loved. He never knew how much he was truly valued, how beautiful he truly was.

And Tobio never got to tell him how he felt. He was planning to, really. He had just worked up the courage to do so and was thinking of how he should go about it- should he buy flowers? When should he do it? It had been the only thing on his mind for days, but he'd missed his chance.

 _"When you said your last goodbye,_  
_I died a little bit inside._  
_I lay in tears in bed all night,_  
_Alone without you by my side."_

The note.

The note he left was impossible to read.

He could've at least called or something; he could've at least given Tobio the chance to talk him out of it; he could've at least given Tobio the chance to say what he needed to say. But no, he had to leave a damn note.

When Tobio held the note in his hand, it took longer than expected to bring himself to read it. As he did, he felt his heart breaking in half again, and again, and again. Shouyou talked about how much he loved Tobio, but he was too afraid to say it. He talked about how Tobio was probably better off without him. _No, I'm not._ He talked about how he'd been depressed for so long and didn't know how to get out of it. _You could've talked to me, dumbass._ He told Tobio not to cry because he was sure he'd be able to get through it. _Not likely._

Tobio hasn't gotten a full night of sleep since then.

Or a half night.

Or barely any sleep at all, for that matter. It's been _hard_. He's had nightmares. Some are repeats of him finding out about Shouyou's death, some are variants of the past, what would've happened if Shouyou had called him that night, what would've happened if Tobio had been there. They all end in failure.

The loneliness is what gets to him the most. He'd just transitioned into high school with Shouyou from having no friends in middle school. Having someone like him who's your best friend, who you know is always there for you- it was nice. But Tobio took it all for granted. And now he was alone. All alone.

 _"So you brought out the best of me,_  
_A part of me I've never seen._  
_You took my soul and wiped it clean,_  
_Our love was made for movie screens."_

Shouyou's life had a great impact on Tobio.

He changed him in ways Tobio didn't think were possible.

He not only showed him what the game of volleyball meant, but he showed him what life meant. He taught him not to push people away, not to judge a book by its cover. When Tobio first saw him, he was not impressed, but Shouyou showed him just how wrong he could be.

Shouyou took his constant criticism like a champ, to say the least. It was humbling to Tobio, having someone take everything so jokingly, so lightheartedly.

But Tobio couldn't help but wonder if his insults secretly hurt the decoy.

What if he was internalizing negative emotions caused by him?

Tobio didn't know if he could live with these unanswered questions. He felt so damn guilty and he just couldn't shake it. The thing is, he didn't know if he should actually be guilty or not. He'd never have his answers and it was absolutely heartbreaking.

 _"But If you loved me,_  
_Why'd you leave me?_  
_Take my body,_  
_Take my body._  
_All I want is,_  
_And all I need is,_  
_To find somebody._  
_I'll find somebody,_  
_Like you."_


End file.
